oked like this

@@@@@I counted my steps backThe total was thirty-eightBy then my hip was throbbingI was 99 more than ready to go in, grab a yogurt cup from the fridge, and see if the cable TV worked as well as Jack Cantori claimed iii And that became my morning routine: orange juice, walk, yogurt, current eventsI became quite chummy with Robin Meade, the young woman who anchors Headline News from six to ten AMBoring routine, right? But the surface events of a country laboring under a dictatorship can appear boring, too - dictators like boring, dictators love boring - even as great changes are approaching beneath the surface A hurt body and mind aren't just like a dictatorship; they are a dictatorshipThere is no tyrant as merciless as pain, no despot so cruel as confusionThat my mind had been as badly hurt as my body was a thing I only came to realize once I was alone and all other voices dropped awayThe fact that I had tried to choke my wife of twentyfive years for doing no more than trying to wipe 100 the sweat off my forehead after I told her to leave the room was the very least of itThe fact that we hadn't made love a single time in the months between the accident and the separation, didn't even try, wasn't at the heart of it, either, although I thought it was suggestive of the larger problemEven the sudden and distressing bursts of anger weren't at the heart of the matter That heart was a kind of pulling-awayI don't know how else to describe itMy wife had come to seem like someoneMost of the people in my life also felt other, and the dismaying thing was that I didn't much careIn the beginning I had tried to tell myself that the otherness I felt when I thought about my wife and my life was probably natural enough in a man who sometimes couldn't even remember the name of that thing you pulled up to close your pants - the zoomer, the zimmer, the zippity-doo-dahI told myself it would pass, and when it didn't and Pam told me she wanted a divorce, what followed my anger was reliefBecause now that other feeling was okay to have, at least toward herNow she really was 101 otherShe'd taken off the Freemantle uniform and quit the team During my first weeks on Duma, that sense of otherness allowed me to prevaricate easily and fluentlyI answered letters and e-mails from people like Tom Riley, Kathi Green, and William Bozeman III - the immortal Bozie - with short jottings (I'm fine, the weather's fine, the bones are mending) that bore little resemblance to my actual lifeAnd when their communications first slowed and then stopped, I wasn't s

@@@@@When she'd said the others from the raid were unloading and cleaning up, there was a false note to her voiceI thought I remembered her eyes flickering to the right, back toward that tunnel ?Hey, kid! Hey, Trudy!? Ian had caught up to us ?Hi, Ian,? they greeted him at the same time ?What happened here?? ?Fell on a knife,? Jamie grunted, ducking his head ?I don't think it's funny,? I told him, my voice tightMelanie, frantic with worry in my head, imagined slapping him ?Could happen to anybody,? Ian said, planting a light punch on Jamie's arm ?Right,? Jamie muttered ?Where's everybody?? I watched Trudy from the corner of my eye as she answered him ?They, uh, had some unloading to finish up This time her eyes moved toward the southern tunnel very deliberately, and Ian's expression hardened, turned enraged for half a secondThen Trudy glanced back at me and caught me watching Distract them,Melanie whispered I looked down at Jamie quickly ?Are you hungry?? I asked him ?Whenaren't you hungry?? Ian teasedHis face was relaxed againHe was better at deception than Trudy When we reached our room, Jamie sank gratefully onto the big mattress ?You sure you're okay?? I checkedDoc says I'll be fine in a few days I nodded, though I was not convinced ?I'm going to go clean up,? Trudy murmured as she left Ian propped himself against the wall, going nowhe

@@@@@"She ain't like that, RedShe's really a swell kidOh, Jeez, I don't know, there was something real different about herWyman's emotion was embarrassing him, and he knew he would have to listenHe drank some beer, and smiled wrylyI'm paying for the goddam drink, he said to himselfAbruptly, he pictured again Wyman brooding by himself all evening, and the thought softened him"It's kind of hard just to sit around and think," he saidBy now he had stirred at best only a partial sympathyOther men's troubles usually bored himEverybody gets his share of bloody noses, and it's Wyman's turn now, he thought "How'd you meet her?" he asked "Aw, she was the kid sister of Larry Nesbitt, you remember he was that buddy of mine I was telling you about?" "Yeah Red had a vague recollection "Well, I always used to see her around his house, and she was just a kid, I never paid any attention to herBut then one time a couple of months before I came into the Army, I went over to his house and he wasn't in, and I noticed herYou know, she'd sort of grown upSo I asked her to go for a walk with me, and we sat in the park and talked, and"I could talk to her about a lot of things, and I don't know, we just sat there on a park bench, and I told her I wanted to be a sports writer, and she said she wanted to design dresses, and I started laughing until I realized she was serious, and we talked a long time about what we wanted to do with ourselves He swallowed his beer "A lot of people were walking past us," Wyman said, "and we started playing a game, you know guessing how old they were and what they did for a living, and she would try to guess whether they were happy or notAnd then we started analyzing all our friends, and we talked a lot"And then you asked her, 'What do ya think of me?' " Wyman looked at him with surprise"How'd you know?" "Ah, I just guessed Red was remembering the park at the end of the main street in the company to

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