estes666kwek

@@@@@They were in combat only a small part of the time really, and even then nothing might happen; his fear might not be noticed, nobody might be hurt because of itIf he did the rest of his work well enough it would be all rightAfter the Motome campaign was over, I was a hell of a lot better than Martinez for drilling and training, he thought What he realized partially was that he was afraid of breaking up completely, of being inefficient even in garrisonI gotta get ahold of myself or I'll be losing my stripesFor a moment he wanted this; it seemed as if life would be so much easier if he had no worries and no responsibility; he rebelled against the tiresome demands of watching labor details to make sure the job was done wellHe had begun to feel an increasing tension whenever an officer or Croft examined the work his squad had been doing But he knew that he could never give up his sergeancyI'm one man in ten, he told himself, they picked me 'cause I stood outIt was his bulwark against everything, his doubts of himself, the infidelities of his wifeHe couldn't let go of thatAnd yet, he had added a further tormentHe was bothered often by a secret guiltIf he wasn't good enough, he should be busted, and he was trying to conceal itI gotta get Wilson back, he swore to himselfSomething of the compassion he had felt for Wilson returned to himThere he is and he can't do a damn thing, he depends on me and I'm supposed to be able to do the jobThe whole thing was very clearIt left him frightened, and he massaged Wilson's forehead gently, looking off into the darkness Goldstein and Stanley were talking, and Brown turned to themWe don't want to get him stirred up again "Yeah," Stanley agreed softly, without rancor at the reprimandHe and Goldstein had been talking about their children, eagerly, companionably, welded by the darkness "You know," Stanley went on, "we're really missing the best part of themHere they are growing up, getting to understand things, and we're not even there