jnva2017

@@@@@And he leaves her on the bed, and walks over to the window, staring at the drab parchment of the shadeHe is trembling, partially from cold She comes up beside him, nuzzling her body against his to warm himThe caress is tentative, uncertain, and it offends himHe feels her maternalnessGo away, I don't want aa mother, he blurts, feeling doubt and then dread at the awfulness of what he has said Her mouth forms in the blank smile, wrinkles suddenly into weepingShe cries on the bed like a little girlHe realizes abruptly after two and a half years of marriage that when she forms that smile she is close to hysteria and terror and perhaps even loathingThe knowledge freezes in his chest After a moment he flops down beside her, cushions her head, and tries to comfort her weeping, his numb hand moving over her forehead and face In the morning none of it seems so awful, and by the end of a week he has nearly forgotten itBut on his side it marks the end or almost the end of one expectation from marriage, and for Natalie it means she must pretend excitement in order to avoid hurting himTheir marriage settles again like a foundation seeking bedrockFor them, that species of failure is not acute, not really dangerousThey ensconce themselves in their child, in adding and replacing furniture, in discussing insurance and finally buying someThere are the problems of his work, his slow advances, the personalities of the men in the shopHe takes to bowling with a few of them, and Natalie joins the sisterhood at the local temple, induces them finally to give courses in the danceThe rabbi is a young man, quite liked because he is modernOn Wednesday nights they have a baby sitter, and listen to his lectures on bestsellers in the social room They expand, put on weight, and give money to charitable organizations to help refugeesThey are sincere and friendly and happy, and nearly everyone likes themAs their son grows older, begins to talk, there are any number of pleasures they draw from himThey are content and the habits of marriage lap about them like a warm ba