protoviv7

@@@@@ The family were not consumptive, and she was more inclined to hope than fear for her cousin, except when she thought of Miss Crawford; but Miss Crawford gave her the idea of being the child of good luck, and to her selfishness and vanity it would be good luck to have Edmund the only son Even in the sick chamber the fortunate Mary was not forgotten Edmund?s letter had this postscript?On the subject of my last, I had actually begun a letter when called away by Tom?s illness, but I have now changed my mind, and fear to trust the influence of friends When Tom is better, I shall go Such was the state of Mansfield, and so it continued, with scarcely any change, till EasterA line occasionally added by Edmund to his mother?s letter was enough for Fanny?s informationTom?s amendment was alarmingly slow Easter came particularly late this year, as Fanny had most sorrowfully considered, on first learning that she had no chance of leaving Portsmouth till after itIt came, and she had yet heard nothing of her return?nothing even of the going to London, which was to precede her returnHer aunt often expressed a wish for her, but there was no notice, no message from the uncle on whom all depended She supposed he could not yet leave his son, but it was a cruel, a terrible delay to herThe end of April was coming on; it would soon be almost three months, instead of two, that she had been absent from them all, and that her days had been passing in a state of penance, which she loved them too well to hope they would thoroughly understand; and who could yet say when there might be leisure to think of or fetch her? Her eagerness, her impatience, her longings to be with them, were such as to bring a line or two of Cowper?s Tirocinium for ever before her?With what intense desire she wants her home,? was continually on her tongue, as the truest description of a yearning which 378 Mansfield Park she could not suppose any schoolboy?s bosom to feel more keenly When she had been coming to Portsmouth, she had loved to call it her home, had been fond of saying that she was going home; the word had been very dear to her, and so it still was, but it must be applied to MansfieldThat was now the homePortsmouth was Portsmouth; Mansfield was homeThey had been long so arranged in the indulgence of her secret meditations, and nothing was more consolatory to her than to find her aunt using the same language: ?I cannot but say I much regret your being from home at this distressing time, so very trying to my spiritsI trust and hope, and sincerely wish you may never be absent from home so long again,? were most delightful sentences to herStill, however, it was her private regale Delicacy to her parents made her careful not to betray such a preference of her uncle?s houseIt was always: ?When I go back into Northamptonshire, or when I return to Mansfield, I shall do so and so For a great while it was so, but at last the longing grew stronger, it overthrew caution, and she found herself talking of what she should do when she went home before she was awareShe reproached herself, coloured, and looked fearfully towards her father and mother She need not have been uneasy