qianwanb

@@@@@ It was silent outside the hole, and then silent inside, too, as I turned blueI listened intently, concentrating only on what I could hear I was twisted into the most impossible positionMy head was the lowest point, the right side of my face pressed against the rough rock floorMy shoulders were slanted around a crumpled box edge, the right higher than the leftMy hips angled the opposite way, with my left calf pressed to the ceilingFighting with the boxes had left bruises?I could feel them formingI knew I would have to find some way to explain to Ian and Jamie that I had done this to myself, but how? What should I say? How could I tell them that Jared had kissed me as a test, like giving a lab rat a jolt of electricity to observe its reaction? And how long was I supposed to hold this position? I didn't want to make any noise, but it felt like my spine was going to snap in a minuteThe pain got more difficult to bear every secondI wouldn't be able to bear it in silence for longAlready, a whimper was rising in my throat Melanie had nothing to say to meShe was quietly working through her own relief and fury Jared had spoken to her, finally recognized her existenceHe had told her he loved herBut he had kissed meShe was trying to convince herself that there was no reason to be wounded by this, trying to believe all the solid reasons why this wasn't what it felt likeTrying, but not yet succeedingI could hear all this, but it was directed internallyShe wasn't speaking to me?in the juvenile, petty sense of the phraseI was getting the cold shoulder I felt an unfamiliar anger toward herNot like the beginning, when I feared her and wished for her eradication from my mindNo, I felt my own sense of betrayal nowHow could she be angry withme for what had happened? How did that make sense? How was it my fault that I'd fallen in love because of the memoriesshe forced on me and then been overthrown by this unruly body? I cared that she was suffering, yet my pain meant nothing to her