....EN LA PARRA....

Stimmung: Danke Nadine

Hope for the Flowers

A tale- partly about life partly about revelution and
lots about hope for adults and others (including
caterpillars who can read)

by Trina Paulus

Chapter 1
Once upon a time a tiny striped caterpillar burst from
the egg which had been home for so long.
'Hello world', he said. 'It sure is bright out here in
the sun.'
'I'm hungry,' he thought and straightway began to eat
the leaf he was born on.
And he ate another leaf ... and another ... and
another.
And got bigger ... and bigger ... and bigger... .
Until one day he stopped eating and thought,
'There must be more to life than just eating and
getting bigger. It's getting dull.'
So stripe crawled down from the friendly tree which
had shaded and fed him. He was seeking more.
There were all sorts of new things to find. Grass and
dirt and holes and tiny bugs - each fascinated him.
But nothing satisfied him.
When he came across some other crawlers like himself
he was especially exited.
But they were so busy eating they had no time to talk
- just as Stripe has been.
'They don't know any more about life than I do,' he
sighed.
Then one day Stripe saw some crawlers really crawling.
He looked around for their goal and saw a great column
rising high into the air. When he joined them he
discovered...
the column was a pile of squirming, pushing,
caterpillars - a caterpillar pillar.
It appeared that the caterpillars were trying to reach
the top - but the top was so lost in the clouds that
Stripe had no idea what was there.
He felt new exicitement - like sap rising in the
spring.
'Maybe I'll find what I'm looking for.'
Full of agitation Stripe asked a fellow crawler:
'Do you know what's happening?'
'I just arrived myself,' said the other.' Nobody has
time to explain; they're so busy trying to get
whereever they're going up there.'
'But whta's at the top?' continued Stripe.
'No one knows that either but it must be awfully good
because everybody's rushing there. Goodbye, I've no
more time!'
He plunged into the pile.
Stripe's head was bursting with the new drive. He
couldn't get his thoughts together. Every second
another crawler passed him and disappeared into the
pillar.
'There's only one thing to do'. He pushed himself in.

Chapter 2
The first moments on the pile were a shock. Stripe was
pushed and kicked and stepped on from every direction.
It was climb or be climbed...
... Stripe climbed.
No more fellow caterpillars on Stripe's pile - they
became only threats and obstacles which he turned into
steps and opportunities.
This single-minded approach really helped and Stripe
felt he was getting much higher.
But some days it seemed he could manage only to keep
his place. It was especially then that an anxious
shadow nagged inside.
'What's at the top?' it whispered. 'Where are we
going?'
On one exasperated day Stripe couldn't stand it longer
and actually yelled back:
'I don;t know, but there's no time to think about it!'
A liile yellow caterpillar he was crawling over
gasped:
'What did you say?'
'I was just talking to myself,' stripe mumbled.
'It really isn't important - I was just wondering
where we're going?'
'You know,' Yellow said, 'I was wondering that myself
but since there's no way to find out I decided it
wasn't important.'
She blushed at how silly this sounded - quickly
adding, 'No one else seems to worry about where we're
going so it must be good.'
But she blushed again. 'How far are we from the top?'
Stripe answered gravely,
'Since we're not at the bottom and not at the top we
must be in the middle.'
'oh,' said Yellow, and they both began climbing again.
But now Stripe had a new feeling. He felt bad. He had
lost his Singlemindedness.
'How can I step on someone I've just talked to?'
Stripe avoided Yellow as much as possible, but one day
there she was, blocking the only way up.
'Well, I guess it's you or me,' he said, and stepped
squarely on her head.
Something in the way Yellow looked at him made him
feel just awful about himself. Like: no matter what is
up there - it just isn't worth it.
Stripe crawles off Yellow and whispered 'I'm sorry.'
And Yellow began to cry:
'I could stand this life hoping in what was ahead
until I met you talking to yourself that day. Since
then my heart just hasn't been in it - but I don't
know what to do.
'I didn't know how badly I felt about this life until
then. Now when you look at me so kindly, I know for
sure I don't like this life. I just want to do
something like crawl with you and nibble grass.'
Stripe's heart leapt inside. Everything looked
different. The pillar made no sense at all.
'I would like that too,' he whispered.
But this meant giving up the climb - a hard decision.
'Yellow dear, maybe we're close to the top. Maybe if
we help each other we can get there quickly.'
'Maybe,' she said.
But they both knew this wasn't what they wanted most.
'Let's go down,' Yellow said.
'Okay.' And they stopped climbing.
They clung to each other as masses of caterpillars
crawled over them.
The air was terrible but they were happy with each
other and made a big ball so nobody could step in
their eyes and stomachs.
They did nothing at all for what seemed a long time.
Suddenly they didn't feel anything crawling over them.
They unrolled and opene their eyes.
They were at the side of the caterpillar pillar.
'Hi Stripe,' said Yellow. 'Hi Yellow,' said Stripe.
And they crawled off into some fresh, green grass to
eat and take a nap.
Just before they fell asleep Stripe hugged Yellow.
'Being together like this is sure differnt from beiong
crushed in that crowd!'
'It sure is!'
She smiled and closed her eyes.

Chapter 3
So Yellow and Stripe romped in the grass and ate and
grew fat and loved each other.
They were so glad not to be fighting everybody every
moment.
It was like heaven for a while. But as time passed
even hugging each other seemed a little boring. Each
knew every hair of the other.
Stripe couldn't help wondering, 'There must be still
more to life.'
Yellow saw how restless he was and tried to make him
extra happy and comfortable. 'Just think how much
better this is than that awful mess we left,' she
said.
'But we don't know what's at the top,' he answered.
'Maybe we were wrong to come down. Maybe now that
we've rested the two of us could make it to the top.'
'Dear Stripe, please,' she begged. We have a nice home
and we love each other and that's enough. It's so much
more than all those lonely climbers have.'
She was so sure, Stripe let her convince him.
But only for awhile -----
Stripe's hankering for the climbing life worsened. The
pillar haunted him. He crawled there regularly,
looking up and wondering.
But the top remained clouded.
One day at the pillar,three thuds startled Stripe.
Three big caterpillars had fallen from someplace and
smashed.
Two seemed dead but one still wiggled. Stripe
whispered,'What happened? Can I help?'
He made out just a few words.
'The top ... they'll see ... butterflies alone ... .'
The caterpillar died.
Stripe crawled home and told Yellow.
They were both very sober and quiet. What did the
mysterious message mean?
Had the caterpillars fallen from the very top?
Finally Stripe announced:
'I've got to know. I must go and find out the secret
of the top.'
And more gently,
'Will you come and help me?'
Yellow struggled inside.
She loved Stripe and wanted to be with him.
She wanted to help him succeed.
But -- she just couldn't believe that the top was
worth all it asks to get there.
She wanted to get 'up' too; the crawling life wasn't
enough for her either.
She also had to admit that it looked like the pile was
the only way to to it.
Stripe seemed so sure that Yellow felt ashamed not to
agree. She also felt stupid and embarrassed since she
could never put her reasons into words that his kind
of logic would accept.
Yet somehow, waiting and not being sure was better
than action she couldn't believe in.
She couldn't explain, she couldn't prove anything -
but for all her love she couldn't go with Stripe.
She just knew climbing was a wrong way to get high.
'No,' she said, heartsick. And Stripe left her for his
climb.

Chapter 4
Yellow was desolate without Stripe.
She crawled daily to the pile looking for him and
returned home at night sad, but half relieved that she
never saw him. If she had, she feared she might plunge
after him knowing that she shouldn't.
She felt like doing something, anything, rather than
this uncertain waiting.
'What in the world do I really want?' she sighed.
'It seems different every few minutes. But I know
there must be more.'
Finally, she became numb and wandered away from
everything familiar.
One day a grey-haired caterpillar hanging upside down
on a branch surprised her.
He seemed caught in some hairy stuff.
'You seem in trouble,' she said. 'Can I help?'
'No, my dear, I have to do this to become a
butterfly.'
Her whole inside leapt.
'Butterfly - that word,' she thought. 'Tell me, sir,
what is a butterfly?'
'It's what you are meant to become. It flies with
beautiful wings and joins the earth to heaven. It
drinks only nectar from the flowers and carries the
seeds of love from one flower to another.'
'Without butterflies the world would soon have few
flowers.'
'It can't be true!' gasped Yellow.
'How can I believe there's a butterfly inside you or
me when all I see is a fuzzy worm?'
'How does one become a butterfly?' she asked
pensively.
'Youv must want to fly so much that you are willing to
give up being a caterpillar.'
'You mean to die?' asked Yellow, remembering the three
who fell out of the sky.
'Yes and no,' he answered.
'What looks like you will die but what's really you
will still live. Life is changed, not taken away.
Isn't that differentfrom those who die without ever
becoming butterflies?'
'And if I decide to become a butterfly,' said Yellow
hesitantly.'What do I do?'
'Watch me. I'm making a cocoon. It looks like I'm
hiding, I know, but a cocoon is no escape. It's an
in-between house where the change takes place. It's a
big step since you can never return to caterpillar
life. During the change, it will seem to you or to
anyone wgho might peek that nothing is happening - but
the butterfly is already becoming. It just takes
time!'
'And there is something else! Once you are a
butterfly, you can really love -  the kind of love
that makes new life. It's better than all the hugging
caterpillars can do.'
'Oh, let me go and get Stripe,' Yellow said. But she
sadly knew he was too far into the pile to possibly
reach.
'Don't be sad,' said her new friend.'If you change,
you can fly and show him how beautiful butterflies
are. Maybe he will want to become one too!'
Yellow was torn in anguish:
'What if Stripe comes backj and I'm not there? What if
he doesn't recognize my new self? Suppose he decides
to stay a caterpillar?
At least we can do something as caterpillars - we can
crawl and eat. We can love in some way. How can two
cocoons get together at all? How awful to get stuck in
a cocoon!'
How could she risk the only life she knew when it
seemed so unlikely she could ever be a glorius winged
creature?
What did she have to go on?
- seeing another caterpillar who believed enough to
make his own cocoon.
- and that peculiar hope which had kept her off the
pillar and leapt within her when she heard about
butterflies.
The grey-haired caterpillar continued to cover himself
with silky threads.
As he wove the last bit around his head he called:
'You'll be a beautiful butterfly - we're all waiting
for you!'
And Yellow decided to risk the butterfly.
For courage she hung right beside the other cocoon and
began to spin her own.
'Imagine, I didn't even know I could do this. That's
some encouragement that I'm on the right track. If I
have inside me the stuff to make cocoons -  maybe the
stuff of butterflies is there too.'

Chapter 5
Stripe made much faster progress this time. He was
bigger and stronger since he had taken time out. From
the beginning he determined to get to the top.
He especially avoided meeting the eyes of other
crawlers. He knew how fatal such contact could be.
He tried not to think of Yellow.
He disciplined himself neither to feel nor to be
distracted.
Stripe didn't seem just 'disciplined' to others - he
seemed ruthless. Even among climbers he was special.
He didn't think he was against anybody. He was just
doing what he had to if he was to get to the top.
'Don't blame me if you don't succeed! It's a tough
life. Just make up your mind,' he would have said had
any caterpillar complained.
Then one day he was near his goal.
Stripe had done well but when light finally fitered
down from the top, he was close to exhaustion.
At his height there was almost no movement. All held
their bpositions with every skill a lifetime of
climbing had taught them. Every small move  counted
terribly.
There was no communication. Only the outsides touched.
They were like cocoons to one another.
Then one day Stripe heard a crawler above him saying,
'None of us can get any higher without getting rid of
them.'
Soon after, he felt tremendous pressure and shaking.
Then came screams and falling bodies. Then silence;
lots more light and less weight from above.
Stripe felt awful with this new knowledge. The mystery
of the pillar was clearing.
He now knew what had happenend to the three
caterpillars.
He now Knew what must always happen on the pillar.
Frustration surged through Stripe. But as he was
agreeing this was the only way 'up' he heard a tiny
whisper from the top:
'There's nothing here at all!'
It was answered by another:
'Quiet fool! They'll hear you down the pillar. We're
where they want to get. That's what's here!
Stripe felt frozen. To be so high and not high at all.
It only looked good from the bottom.
The whisper came again, 'Look over there - another
pillar - and there too - everywhere!'
Stripe became angry as well as frustrated. 'My
pillar,' he moaned, 'only one of thousands.
'Millions of caterpillars climbing nowhere! Something
is really wrong but ... what else is there?'
His life with Yellow seemed so far away.
That wasn't it either - not quite.
'Yellow!' He let her image fill his being.
'You knew something, didn't you? Was it courage to
wait? Maybe she was right. I wish I were with her.'
'I could go down,' he thought. 'I'd look ridiculous
but maybe it's better than what's happening here.'
But Stripe's thought was interrupted by bursts of
movements all over his level. Each seemed to be making
a last effort to find some entry to the top. But with
every push the top layer tightened.
Finally one caterpillar gasped,'Unless we try together
nobody will reach the top. Maybe if we give one big
push!They can't hold us down foreever!'
But before they coukld act there were cries and
commotion of another kind. Stripe struggled to the
edge to see the cause.
A brilliant yellow winged creature was circling the
pillar, moving freely - a wonderful sight! How did it
get so high without climbing?
When Stripe poked out his head the creature seemed to
recognize him. It extended its legs and tried to grab
him.
Stripe caught himself just before being pulled out of
the pile. The brilliant  creature let go and looked
sadly into his eyes.
That look activated excitement Stripe hadn't felt
since he first saw the pillar. Words from the past
returned, '...butterflies alone.'
'Is this a butterfly?'
And what did it mean - 'the top ... they'll see ...'?
It was all so strange and yet like it was supposed to
be.
And those eyes with the look of Yellow.
Could it be ...?
Such impossible thoughts!
Yet the excitement inside wouldn't stop.
He grew happy.
Somehow he could escape, he could be carried away.
But as this possibility became real, something else
grew inside. He felt he shouldn't escape like this.
Looking into the creature's eyes he could hardly bear
the love he saw there. He felt unworthy.
He wanted to change, to make up for all the times he
had refused to look at the other.
He tried to tell her what he felt.
He stopped struggling.
The others stared at him as though he were mad.

Chapter 6
He turned around and began down the pillar. This time
he didn't curl up. He stretched out full length and
looked straight into the eyes of each caterpillar.
He marveled at the variety and beauty, amazed that he
had never noticed it before.
He whispered to each, 'I've been up; there's nothing
there.'
Most paid no attention; they were too intend on
climbing.
One said,'It's sour grapes. He's bitter.I bet he never
made it to the top.'
But some were shocked and even stopped climbing to
hear him better.
One of these whispered in anguish,don't say it even if
it's true. What else can we do?'
Stripe's answer shocked them all - including himself!
'We can fly! We can become butterflies! There's
nothing at the top and it doesn't matter!'
As he heard his own message he realized how he had
misread the instinct to get high. To get to the 'top'
he must fly, not climb.
Stripe looked at each caterpillar inebriated with joy
that there could be a butterfly inside.
But the reaction was worse than before. He saw fear in
eyes. They didn't stop to listen or speak.
This happy, glorious news was too much to take - too
good to be true.
And if it wasn't true?
The hope that lit up the pillar dimmed. All seemed
confused and unreal.
The way down was so immensely long.
The vision of the butterfly faded.
Doubt flooded Stripe.
The pile took on horrible dimensions.
He struggled on -  barely - blindly.
It seemed wrong to give up believing - yet believing
seemed impossible.
A crawler sneered,'How could you swallow such a story?
Our life is earth and climbing. Look at us worms! We
couldn't be butterflies inside. Make the best of it
and enjoy caterpillar living!'
'Pehaps he's right,' sighed Stripe. 'I haven't any
proof. Did I only make it uop because I needed it so
much?'
And in pain he continued down searching for those eyes
which would let him whisper, 'I saw a butterfly -
there can be more to life.'
One day - finally -  he was down.

Chapter 7
Tired and sad, Stripe crawled off to the old place
where Yellow and he had ro,ped.
She was not there, and he was too exhausted to go
further.
He curled up and fell asleep.
When he finally awoke he found the yellow creature
fanning him with wings of light.
'Is this a dream?' he wondered.
But the dream creature acted awfully real.She stroked
him with her feelers and most of all looked at him so
lovingly that he began to trust that what he had said
about becoming a butterfly might be true.
She walked a little distance away, then flew back. She
repeated it as if he should follow.
So he did.
They came to a branch from which hung two torn sacks.
The creature kept on inserting her head, then her
tail, into one of them. Then she would fly to him and
touch him.
Her feelers quivered and Stripe knew she was speaking.
He couldn't make out words.
Then slowly he seemed to understand ...
... Somehow he knew what to do.
Dtripe climbed -  again.
It got darker and darker and he was afraid.
He felt he had to let go of
everything ... .
and Yellow waited ... .
... until one day ... (followed by a picture that
showed Stripe as a beautiful striped butterfly)

The end ...

... or the beginning